Sunday, November 7, 2010

My Birth Right

A lot of people ask me what rights I have to my son; Keaton.

People assume that because I placed him into an open adoption that my rights were severed and no longer exist. Sorry, your wrong.

I placed him with the most amazing couple because as his BirthMother, I had the right, and the duty to make sure he had everything i knew I couldnt provide at the time.

In the state of Ohio, you have to wait three days to sign over your parental rights; and during those three days, I spent time with Keaton's parents, and with my family. I had plenty of time to think over my decision; after 72 hours, I would be signing away all legal rights to him. Ah, but thats where it ends. Or does it?

I was lucky enough to have almost my entire pregnancy to get to know his parents. I remember making a phoen call to them after my first in-office unltrasound, and this was befor eI even had met them. I proudly let them know that "Your baby is doing great!" I knew from the first few e-mails that they were the couple for me. And twards the end, I told his Mommy "I am still waiting for a reason not to pick you two, but I just cant seem to find one." She smiled and comment, "Well, please stop looking!" and we laughed 

I may not have any legal rights, but I have my birth rights, and responisilibites.
My birth rights?
He will always be a child that I nurtured and cared for in my womb. I tookd care of him in a way only a birthmother can. I gave him 9 healthy months in utero; and then, I gave him a lifetime of love and possibilities. My birthright was to make the right decision for him. It was my right to love him, and caqre for him.
My legal right's said I could keep him, and get government assistance and raise him the best I could; my birth responsibilites were different.
My responsibility told me that I had to make syre my son was cared for in a way I couldn't. I had to make sure he grew up in a safe secure home; with at least one parent who is able to care for him in every way possible. I was just lucky enough to find a home with two amazing people to raise him!

So please, when you question why I "gave my son away" stop and think, because I didnt giv e him away, I simply gave him a better life. And when you question why I didnt love my son enough to keep him, stop and think; because I loved him enough to know I couldnt provide all the things for him that his parents can.

He has two forever Mommie's who love him more then anything. He has a huge, amazing family.

I am proud to say I am a Birth Mother; because the word "Birthmother means LOVE"

And not only do I love him, but I love his mommies and his sister too!! Such an amazing family.
I know I am just as blessed as he is to hae picked the parents I did.

I love you guys!!!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

No New Photos

Well, its been almost 10 months since i got new photos in the mail. Chris (the possible father) contacted the parents and im scared they are backing away from a relationship with me.

I really wish i could feel better about it, but i just feel like crap. Idk...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

BirthFather Blues

Im just really nervous.

a few months ago Keatons (possible) birthFather's mother got a detective to find out who his adoptive parents were. Well, after contacting them, I feel like his parents have become distant from me. We used to be SO close, but, not any more.

I am sure i am over reacting, and im sure that happens in cases like this. But it feels like its been forever sincei got an update about him (which isnt true, because i did talk to his Mom via FaceBook just a few weeks ago), and i feel like its been forever since i saw photos.

Well, Chris (possible bF) took some photos from my MySpace and FaceBook without me knowing, and he has them up on his personal page. I just really am hoping that they dont think I gave them the photos and thats why i havent gotten any.

Well, thats all for now. Im just really scared that this adoption is going to suffer on my end -
But one thing i always said, and will always believe in my heart- his parents wouldnt do anything unless they felt it was in his best interest.

(if you have followed my story, you know that I was with two different men within days of each other, I used protection with both, and neither were in a place where they could parent, nor was I. I didnt name a BirthFather on the papers, after much discussion with the Adoption Socal Worker I worked with - a huge decision, I do not regret)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Today I cried

Today i cried for you....

I miss you so much lately. It has been close to 4 years and i still wish you were in my belly. Sometimes I want to go back and hold you a little longer n the delivery room; sometimesd i want to sing to you one more time.

i thought for sure that these feelings were gone, but then, i went back and read some of the old blogs are realized, I just got better at hiding them.

I guess sometimes, i just want to close up and not talk abotu you to anyone; but then other days, i know that talking about you is the only thing keeping my sanity.

I have this wooden box in my living room, it has all of your things in it; photos, letters to you, cards from your parents and sister to me.

I miss you, so much...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Entrustment Ceremony

No matter what day it is, no matter what significance that day holds, I always think about the Entrustment Ceremony...
During this time, Keatons parents and I exchanged vows, and shared special time with all of our family. We promised to always do what was best for Keaton, and to always fullfill our roles as his Mothers, Birth, Adoptive, or otherwise...

These were the vows I said to Keaton...

As I stand here tofay, holding you in my arms, I can look down upon you and already see the wonder in your eyes. Not only am I blessed to have brought you into this world, but you have blessed everyone here today, to have come into our lives.

I want you to know that as I look at you, I;m noting every little feature that you have. You image, right now, will forever be in my mind. I will never forget how peaceful you look right now, and I hold you in my arms.
You will always be my little one; my special baby boy. Today, I vow my love for you in a way only I know know how. Today, I promise to you that I will always keep you in my heart, even if not in my arms. I will always lobe you, and think about you, and even thought I may cry, rest asure they are tears of joy.

And although I may not take you home with me today, I will always carry you in my heart, mind and soul.
I promise to you that I have thought long and hard about the decisions I have made. And I will leave today, knowing I have made the right ones. The parents I have chosen for you are special in so many ways. But I am most certain you will find all those reasons out as you grow.

Althought I may not have chosen the most traditional family for you, I have chosen the one my heart rested with. Two wonderful Mothers who will love, care for, and raise you with all the love in their hearts. From day one I never had a doubt, that they were the only people I could have asked to raise you. And with that said, I know that all the reasons I believe this, will be reveled to you in time.

And these are the Vows I spoke to His parents...

Today marks a new page in out friendship together.

The child that I hold in my arms will from now on, and forver be, "our" son. I cannot express to you the feelings I have for the both of you. The love, gratitude, and the joy that over-comes me when i think of the life you will be giving him.

The times we have shared and the times that are still to come, will always be held in my heart. I truly believe, and have come to understand, that God brought us together for a very special reason. Not only have we created a special bond together, but so have our children. And now, when we leave here today, you will begin a new bond with our son.

I look at the two of you today, and I look at Keaton, and it is almosty strage to me how much I feel at ease. I can already see the bond that has been created between the three of you, knowing that bond started from before birth.

I was blessed to be able to share times with you that some BirthMothers are not able to share with the parents they have chosen for their child.

H ~ from the first time I contacted your family, you have been my biggest source of support. You have always reassured me that if was an open option. That at any time, if I should have changed my mind, you would have understood. That alone showed me that you understood the love a mother has for a child.
From our first meeting, the first ultra sound, the joy in your eyes when we found out he was a boy, to seeing you hold him just minutes after birth. All these things have made me loose any regret my mind may have held.

R ~ I remember the first time we said hello, and I remember that moment because you had your daughter with you. The first thing I ever noticed was how much you loved her that day. And although we had not had any conversation before then, I knew that day that only were you also a perfect choice for this child, but you were also a prefect partner for H. and that eased my mind of any doubts as well.

From the first meeting, to the first ultra sound, when I saw how proud you too were to find out you were going to have a little son, to watching you cut his umbilical cord and everything in between also eased any doubts I may have held in my head.

So, today, in front of everyone who is here today, I ask you for only one thing; to raise out son, the way I know only the two of you can; with the love of a mother, two mothers; two wonderful women whom without, I may have been lost before I ever foudn this day.

This is the Last Vow I gave to Keaton as his Mother...

Keaton, I love you baby, and you will forever be in my heart, but now its time to start your journey home. And as much as I wish that home was with me, I will always be happy with the decision I made. So now, I give you to the parents I chose for you, the parents who will always be there. Today we will go our separate ways, but some times soon, I promise , we will be together again, as friends, family, and as teo people who share a special bond that no one can take from us. But for now, it is time for you ro begin that same kind of special bond with your parents. I love you (at this point I handed Keaton to his new Parents).

During the ceremony, we lit candles, played special music (I played Talking to my Angel by Melissa Etheridge, and they played "From Gods arms, To my arms, to your" by Mark Schultz), then we all had a huge dinner at a local resturant... yes, all of us... my family, and their family... it was, AMAZING...