Monday, March 12, 2012
"I have a dream"... The Triad Blog
“I have a dream….” is the start to one of the most amazing speeches, given by the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. But I think everyone has a dream. My daughter has a dream that she will win the talent show, my fiancé has a dream that “gay marriage” will be legal one day so we can be recognized, my mom has a dream that one day I will be straight (LOL); but I have my own dream.
I have a dream that one day, all members of the adoption triad would come together and understand each other’s walk of life. Sadly, my dream is the hardest of all. Not all members can fully sympathize with the others.
A woman who cannot bear a child is grieving a loss of a child who she cannot birth.
A woman who places a child for adoption is grieving a loss of a child who she bore and placed with another
A child/adult who was adopted cannot understand fully the reasoning behind their BirthMother placing them, not have they felt the pain of being unable to have a child.
A adoptee who grows up and is unable to have a child, and decided to adopt, or who grows up and has a child that they feel they need to place in adoption for whatever reason – that is the only way they could fully understand the pain, but never the circumstances. Neither of which do I want my son to go through, EVER.
I think the closest we could come to this, and I wish someone would just do it, is write a book, with families who are willing to be fully open about the adoption and the circumstances surrounding it. The parents, and why they chose the adoption path, the BirthMother, and why she chose to place her child, and the Adoptee, and how they felt growing up know, or not knowing, and how they feel, as an adult.
I will always and forever be 100% open and honest with ANYONE who ask about my adoption. When I am asked how many children I have, I proudly say “I have three, Kathleen lives with me, Alex lives with his father, and Keaton was placed in adoption when he was born. But it’s an open adoption, so I get e-mails, photos, visits, it’s really great.”
I’m an open-mouthed advocate for Open Adoption. If it’s possible, and mentally possible for the BirthMom, then I think it should be the only option. But there is only one problem with that – Adoption is legal, the type of adoption, is not.
I remember with my adoption process (which I will go into detail with the next blog) was a long drawn out one. I met Keaton’s parents at only 12 weeks, and they took the whole journey with me. I knew, before our first physical meeting, that they were the ones for my son. There was no question about it.
Many BirthMom’s grow older, and wish they had made a different decision, but me? I will never change my mind about the women I entrusted my son’s life with. I chose them and God chose me. I wouldn’t go back on that for anything. I love all three of them, and I know Keaton is right where he belongs.
The situation that brought me to them was so different, so special, so, strange, that there was no other option for me. I can only hope that all other BirthMothers could find such peace with their adoption as I have found with mine.
As ANY relationship, we have had our ups and downs, and I have my insecurities. But I pray on it, and I feel blessed, in the end, to know that I was picked to bless this family with the son they had been waiting for.
In my next blog I’m going to go over my journey again, using clips from my older blogs. I hope it helps you all understand why I found so much peace with my journey. I have had many, many people tell me this adoption is clearly, and completely UNIQUE, and after hearing other’s journey, I have to agree.
You are LOVED,