“100 percent of all birth mothers have the right to choose the amount of openness”
>>> That’s not true. Only 20 states have laws about open adoption, and not all of them enforce it. The open adoption laws are to protect and help nurture the child, not protect the rights of the BirthMom. When we sign those papers, we have NO RIGHTS to the child, or updates. An open adoption is based on hope and faith, the child’s life, and ours, is now in the hands of the Adoptive parents.
“Well over half of all adopted children eat dinner with their families at least six days per week.”
>>> Again, not sure where you are getting these statistics, but of all the kids I know (none of which are involved in adoption) through my daughters school class eat dinner with their parents every night. I for one make sure, even if her Dad is working, that Kathleen and I eat dinner together every night that she is home. So I would venture to say, well over half of children who lives with their biological parents eat dinner with their families (parents) at least six days per week. <I hate that this group is trying to make adoption look so glamorous for the children.>
“Nearly 3 out of every 4 adopted children ages 0-5 are read to or sang to every day, compared with only half of non-adopted children who...”
>>> Kathleen & I’s favorite thing to do is read together, and her favorite thing for me to do is sing to her at night. And she is 9 years old. Guess what? Every day (except for the birth of my other children and caring for my AH son) I sang to her, and read to her. I started reading and singing to her when she was just days old. Baby Einstein was my FAVORITE!!!
“There is…nothing to suggest that mothering cannot be shared by several people.” - DM us if you are pregnant and considering adoption <3
>>> But there is. It’s called the law. Once we (BirthMoms) sign over custody it is, like I said before, by hope and faith that we get to share that child’s life with their Adoptive Parents. There is nothing except for our dreams, which tells us we can share parenting. But let’s be honest, when we place, we KNOW we are no longer that child’s parent. And yes, I use the word “Parent” the same as “Mothering” because Mothering is taking care of a child, being a “Mother” can mean anything from giving birth, to raising a child. We, as BirthMothers, know we are giving birth (Lord knows we go through all the emotions from a positive test, to pushing, to holding the child if we choose), but after we sign those papers, we know we will no longer parent those children. And while we may want to take part in the parenting, and we may want to be involved with that, the honest truth is, we won’t be.
“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson, adopted child
>>> I wish someone would drill this into adoptive parent’s heads. I know I chose R&H because they were (and still are) amazing from the day I met them, and still were at our last visit. I remember telling R at dinner one night, “I keep waiting for something to show up that makes me want to change my mind, but I cant. You’re perfect.” Her response? “Well, stop looking!” But now, I look back and I think of the ups & downs of our life and relationship, and I just think, “How could they do this? How could they cut the communication back to so little? How could they think I would ever do anything to harm Keaton?” Well, the truth is, I chose them because I knew they would always do what they feel is best for him, and I have to trust them. At this time, my presence isn’t as important to them, but I wish they knew how important it was to me.
“Every child deserves a family, love, home and a great life. If you are afraid you cannot provide that for a child, consider adoption.”
>>> If you are afraid you cannot provide that for a child, let’s talk about the resources that are out there which could help you. Let’s sit down and logically and realistically think about how much help your family is willing to give. If neither of those things are feasible then let’s explore Adoption, and what that looks like, realistically, not through rose colored glasses.
And these ones really get me;
“We love you mommies who are pregnant and considering adoption. If you direct message us, it is a safe place for you to talk with fellow moms”
“Ladies who are pregnant and considering adoption, how are you feeling? Direct message us.”
“There is no doubt in my mind that being adopted affects parenting in a profound way.”
>>> Tweets like the three above really bother me. It’s almost like they are pulling in the pregnant teens in to show them this wonderful, amazing, beautiful world of adoption. But in reality, it’s not like that. There are ups & downs, and there is depression, grief, loss, all associated with placement. Someone needs to be open and honest with these teens.
Side Note – these are all since March 9th (just 4 days)
But now, I have to tell you, in my own experience, from a BirthMom who is 100% completely open and honest about my journey; it is the most emotional rollercoaster I have ever ridden, but knowing my child is being cared for in a way I wasn’t able to, and loved by two people who I chose for him, it is the most amazingly tragic thing I have ever done.
Amazingly tragic because, while I would NEVER change my mind, there is always something I think about, that I wish I had done different.
Like what? I’ll make a blog of it; I don’t think it fits here with this one.
But I hope, and pray, that pregnant teens, or any pregnant woman considering adoption reaches out to various resources to really understand, and get a real view on life as a BirthMom.
Search blogs! Research different blogs! Read Books!
And I encourage Adoptive parents to do the same.
High light spot –
When I was pregnant, I chose a couple before I chose an agency (another blog I will write), and once I got hooked up with their agency (about 4 weeks after communicating with them), the agency then hooked me up with a BirthMoms support group.
The groups name is BirthMomBuds. They are, for lack of a work that fits, amazing, fantastic, incredible, encouraging, supportive, and loving. All those words wrapped up, and then some.
Again, that’s a Blog I will write, according to my own personal experience with the group.
In the end, please, if you are pregnant and don’t know if you can care for the child, look into your resources, and don’t let anyone push you into adoption. You always have the right to change your mind. And you have a right to choose.
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